Jokes to Offend Everyone

If you are offended, sorry, I did my best to make fun of everyone equally.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan


What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.


What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts


Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.


What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.


What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.


What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs


What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes


What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you


What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
‘Are you sure it’s mine?’


Why did O.J Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.


Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him ‘Sum Ting Wong’


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment


What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.


What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time .’ -A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this....


Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides